Kevin. Man do I like me some Kevin. He, unfortunately, doesn’t like me “that way”, but damn the sex is good. If we’ll remember, about a week before Christmas, Kevin came to see me for a little fun while having feelings for someone else. Not huge feelings, they had been seeing each other for 3 weeks at the time, but that was the moment I realized that I was just a sex thing, which sucked because there are a lot of things that I really enjoy about Kevin. Also, I’m really not in any position for anyone to have any kind of feelings about me. My marriage is dissolving as we speak, not a good relationship starter. Not that it matters because, like I said (points to self), sex thing. He hasn’t said that about me, I am making my own assumptions based on past and present behaviors.
On my hugest hangover day in a long time I’m waking up from a booze soaked slumber checking my phone for missed texts from Patrick because we were supposed to have our date. I’m squinting, I’m scrolling…fuckiiing “Chef Kevin” in my notifications with a text. Not what I was expecting, but if I’m being totally honest had been hoping for. “Hey you!” he says, like we’ve been chatting every day like old pals…”Oh hi” I say back. We exchange some pleasantries and I ask if he’s still seeing “that girl” (I know full well what her name is, I just don’t want to use it) he says that no, she said she wasn’t ready so he’s just going to be single for a while. I say cool, me too. And then of course he asks to hang out some time soon. And I, of course, am so fucking down.
This man might be one of my favorite kissers so far. I can’t remember the last person I kissed where I thought, I could just make out with you forever and ever and I don’t think I’d need anything else. Danny was a fantastic kisser, but his thick Italian stubble left a raw spot on my chin. He’s the only other one that I can think of right now. His dick is a nice size, thick…big, but not TOO big. His mouth game is pretty wonderful, wish he did it longer though and maybe not so hungrily. His body. Arms and shoulders that are just sculpted enough for me to be impressed, soft enough to not be intimidating. Tuft of chest hair in the middle of his chest and down his stomach, not too much, smooth not curly or coarse. Nipples perfect shade and size, I know that sounds kind of a strange thing to notice, but there’s so many weird nipples out there. He’s got a little bit of a tummy, but by no means a gut. It’s soft, I like touching it, grazing it with my fingers before outlining the edge of his briefs teasingly. He’s tall, I love that, maybe a little over 6ft. I love the way he looks down to kiss me or if we’re laying, lifts my chin up to meet his face. His back, broad shoulders, same kind of muscular as his arms. Nice, but not too much. I can’t remember admiring a man’s shape so much before. His ass, his legs, I just like looking at him, touching him. He responds with a pretty intense arousal to me doing the finger graze thing all over his body. I just love that, I hope he’s not faking. It’s almost an orgasmic experience for him. And all I’m doing is lightly dragging my fingers in patterns all over his body. Shoulder to fingers…fingers to abdomen…abdomen to waist, thigh, dick, abdomen, chest, shoulder, neck, up through the hair. He twists and moans, gets hard, breathes deeply and I just watch him. I probably did that longer last night than the actual fucking. I thought I would get bored, but I kept wanting to do it more just to watch his breathy reactions, the arch in his back, hear the moans.
Non sex things that I like about him. He’s an easy laugher, he’s constantly laughing about one thing or another. Something I say, the way I’m looking at him, our texts back and forth. Not a loud boisterous laugh, just a little chuckle. He actually does not treat me like a sex thing. I’ve been the sex thing before a couple of times, I know how it goes. No conversations about anything serious or really at all more than your typical arbitrary crap. The expectation is sex so there’s no need to check in or ask how my day was. Just hey can we hang out at this time on this day? It’s usually just making plans. He checks in and wants to know how I’m doing, what I’ve done that day, how I feel about the day. Up until I found out that he was seeing that girl, we used to send each other new music we were listening to. Maybe that will come back, I really enjoyed that. Thing I didn’t like was how easily I was ghosted without an explanation at first. And that I don’t really know what he thinks of me. We’re obviously not friends or he could have continued to talk to me while he was seeing that woman…I don’t know. He hates Trump. He seems to know what’s going on in the world. Usually great taste in music, he’s had a few that were just gross. He seems to want to know what’s going on with me, but I never tell him. I always shift the topic to him so he gets to talk about himself while I never say anything about me. Defense mechanism I think, because I don’t believe that he’s actually interested in how things are going with me. Also, if I started it would just be this word vomit of a situation where I just regurgitated every horrible thing that has happened to me in the past month. And who wants that? No one. I looooooove that he’s a chef, I mean…duh. And I feel like there’s a lot to know there, but I don’t know if I’ll get the chance. He keeps things pretty much right there on the surface. Doesn’t go too deep, playing it safe just like I am I guess. And he’s cute in a very non-threatening kind of way. I can tell that one of his front teeth is fake so something happened there, I haven’t been comfortable enough to ask yet, you never know about people’s insecurities about that sort of thing. He’s got the tiniest little gap in his front teeth. Big, round, deep dark bluish greyish eyes. Narrow nose, small chin, and light stubble. Great hair that I love playing with. He wears a necklace that his daughter made him all the time. It’s this kind of choker made from string and wooden beads. And time goes so fast when we’re together. He got to my house around 10:30 last night, when I finally decided to check the time after all our fooling around it was after 2:30am… I was expecting maybe midnight, it was bananas.
So we’ll see what happens there. I have absolutely no expectations. I like knowing him so I hope he sticks around, but that’s never a guarantee. I’ve liked a few other of my “sex thing” situations and I’ve either screwed up the chance for them to become something more or they had no interest in becoming anything more and eventually went away. In my mind I have to tell myself that there’s never going to be anything and to keep things as unassuming as possible. Helps protect my little feelings.
Clear as Crystal 